I was one of the biggest perfectionists and people pleasers out there. And, this brought a downfall in that part of my life. When I was younger I was always that kinda person who would mould her mood, presence, and existence to make the other person feel comfortable.
I was known for being a very polite, soft-spoken, and compassionate person. And, this expectation absolutely didn’t worked out for me. It became difficult for me to disappoint others’ expectations at the cost of disappointing my own expectations from myself.
But, the thing is this process which I definitely stopped going through has been one of the most liberating and amazing parts of my life. As it made me realize that it feels so much less obliged by letting go of what people think.
Just as Abraham Lincoln famously observed, “You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you cannot fool all of the people all of the time”, this is also true of trying to please people. You are never going to please people all of the time, regardless of what you do. Even as we journey along the path of making ourselves to be the best possible version of who we are, we will still encounter people that our actions will not please. Invariably the best way is to please ourselves. https://destinationdeluxe.com/let-go-of-what-others-think-of-you/
Here, are the 3 reasons that got me from being the biggest people pleasers and getting on the path of letting go of what people think about you.
1. If you are not going to live your life for yourself who else is going to live it for you?
It feels so funny as well as weird that how could we not gather the courage to pursue something that we really want to do just because we are bothered about what people would think.
Admit to yourself that it is you who want to do something for yourself which actually matters more than anyone’s opinion, suggestion, or judgment.
It is really sad and depressing to not allow yourself to not want things, to not try things, to not doing things just being you want them to happen.
Think about this:
If I am not going to follow my passion, who is going to do it for me?
Realizing this, and this is something that I keep on reminding myself all the time that I actually don’t need anyone’s permission, approval, or criticism regarding what I want to pursue to feel fulfilled on my part.
2. It is not your responsibility to live up to people’s expectations of you.
If I have not promised to deliver on something it is not my fault if I don’t do it and someone expects me to do it.
There are 2 kinds of expectations that people would hold on to you:
I. What are you going to be or do for yourself in your life?
II. What is that something you are going to do for them?
Both ways you are not obliged or anyways accountable to meet their expectations simply because your biggest commitment lies towards you. And, there is nothing like implied commitments which you have to meet towards anyone out there.
Here are some indicators that the opinions of others might be harmful to you and your mental health: https://psychcentral.com/blog/mental-shifts-to-stop-caring-what-people-think-of-you#signs
– You change yourself in response to criticism, regardless of what it is and who it comes from.
– You let other people make decisions for you.
– You don’t set or maintain boundaries.
– You’re a perfectionist.
– You hold your tongue if your opinion differs from everyone else’s.
– Your peace of mind relies on approval from others.
– You’re constantly apologizing, even when you did nothing wrong.
– You rarely say “no.”
3. Carrying self-doubt and caring about what people think is not something that necessarily needs to go away.
It’s not possible that I could sit down and train myself to actually stop carrying about things. And, suddenly become a highly extroverted and confident person. That’s not necessarily going to happen.
But, actually, this is not what most people do anyway. It’s not about being an extrovert, as they shut off that part of their brain that keeps on putting a reminder to feel nervous, anxious, and uncomfortable to get started with something new. And, they do their thing anyway.
And, this is what I do a lot of the time. I just consciously choose to not care about the parts of my brain, which are screaming; ‘oh my God my work is not perfect, ‘oh my god what would people think of me’, ‘why am I putting my flaws out there in the world.’
That part of my brain is still there where it needs to be. But, I consciously ignore it and don’t let it dominate or overshadow my capabilities.
And, the best experiences I have ever got in my life are from combating such meaningless thoughts in my head. I just don’t listen to them and do the thing anyway.
I have admitted that the self-doubt thoughts would only get quieter, probably never going to leave. It’s just me who doesn’t need to give attention to them. And, I can enjoy my life this way nothing the less.
So those were the 3 frameworks I use to be a bit more confident in myself and to stop carrying as much as about what people think of me.
One thought on “How to let go of what people think of you? 3 Reasons why to let it go.”
I absolutely love this post and I used to be like this myself